Monday, February 16, 2009

Purse and Oobs on Whiskey Dick.

Only if we were married with kids.

The First Weekly Roast:
Whiskey Dick is a mother fucker, literally. Wish is ironic because with a dick as small as his you’d think he’d want a tight pussy. What can we say about Whiskey Dick that hasn’t already been made infamous by Mr. Power Hour’s lyrics? Whiskey Dick is the kind of guy you take home to your mom on Thanksgiving and say “ha ha, just kidding.”

Here’s the run down on Whiskey Dick…. Last year he broke up a marriage. Launched a lamp through a wall. He moved to California. Moved back a month later. Hey Whiskey Dick… why did you move back if California is the only thing you like to talk about?
This is what we think about people obsessed with the state of California… They are 1) fucking crazy 2) they are probably from some bullshit hick state that puts the in front of proper nouns.

This is the first of our weekly Roasts so in what will soon become an awesome tradition we present to you Oobs and Purse’s Advice to Whiskey Dick:
1) Cialis
2) Stop trying to fuck your way into a family instead of just starting one on your own.
3) Some clocks have alarms. Maybe try buying one.
4) If you keep drinking like you do your liver is going to end up looking like this….
5) 90 miligrams of adderall is probably too much.
6) Finally, you’re the first because you’re the easiest (to get into bed with, you man whore) and because we know you’ll be a good sport.