Oobs on Shout Outs

Fine Lee..... Fine. I am going to out gay myself by doing a shout out to you. I haven't seen you in over ten years but you did sign up for my blog so what's up home slice. Hola. Bonjour. Adios.

Oobs and Purse on that stupid bitch (aka Feckless Wonder)

It has come to my attention that there is another blog on blogspot called fecklesswonder. I would just like to say that I don't care that you made your blog in 2007. You have one fucking entry and it is a very, very gay entry. Also you are from Georgia, which means you probably have one tooth and are married to your first cousin. Also I hate you for using my awesome, original name, which feels much less awesome and original since I found your stupid blog. Oh and one more thing.... A feckless wonder is sad and pathetic.... Feckless wonders are mysterious and.... awe inspiring.... and hot.... and they smell good.... and.... and.... at least I have one friend you loser.

Oobs on Missing the Reunion of All Reunions

So yeah, I was supposed to go to New York last weekend and it didn't pan out. I was sad about it but not completely devastated until I found out what I missed. What did I miss you may ask? Only the REUNIONS OF ALL REUNIONS. Four of the coolest guys I have ever come into contact with from three different parts of the country assembled in the Big Apple for a night of debauchery and ridiculousness. These guys are the most amazing, outrageous people to ever walk the earth. Some of the great times I had with them are as follows:

- Taking a limo ride to AC... peeing in the bushes and getting caught by the popo. Secret finger jobs. Jacuzzi splashing englishmen, and Uncle Remo losing all his money to his girlfriend's dismay.

- Last year of college... drinking on the steps... peeing on the Alma Mater... security comes and chases everybody but only catches one of them who manages to talk his way out of it.

- Lots of beer pong.... Boobs flashing... Asshole... Kings... Not exactly in that order.

- The Brit trying to start a fight with a drunken Will outside of Coronets only the popo shows up and he prances away like the dandy he is.

- Spring break with the fire extinguisher mishap which led to what? Getting kicked out of the dorm, which led to an appeal to not get kicked out of the dorm, which led to the University forgetting about the whole incident. Score one for Uncle Remo.

- New Hampshire telling me his greatest wish was to feed me until I grew so fat that I would be unable to get out of bed and he would just keep me in a room and keep on feeding me. Thank you silence of the lambs.

- J and Uncle Remo thought it was a great idea to drink an entire bottle of 151 in two hours.... They started strong and finished lying on the couch puking into trashcans.

This is only a few of the top stories I remember.... mostly because I drank so much I can't remember shit.... I do remember that I wanted to be at this reunion and I am super depressed that I wasn't there. DAMN YOU Lee, Myles, Jay, and Remo..... Damn you all!

Oobs on Drinking and Cancer.

A new study reveals that even moderate drinking can raise a woman's risk.

The latest piece of evidence on the risks of drinking alcohol comes from researchers at Oxford University who studied more than 1.2 million women in the United Kingdom. They found that drinking alcohol may account for about 13 percent of all breast, liver, rectal and upper digestive tract cancers in women.

More shocking, even small amounts of alcohol seemed to increase the cancer risk. When compared with women who drank two or fewer alcoholic beverages per week, those drinking up to six alcoholic beverages had a 2 percent greater risk for cancer in general; those consuming between seven and 14 drinks per week had a 5 percent increased risk for cancer; and those consuming 15 or more drinks a week had a 15 percent increased risk for cancer.

I’m seriously fucked because I thought drinking 15 or more drinks per week was good for you. Fucking doctors. What was the point of this study? We already know that drinking heavily can cause dementia, vitamin B1 deficiency, cerebellar degeneration, stroke, liver damage, hepatitis, cirrhosis, gastritis, pancreatic, arrhythmia, and hypertension, etc. I still binge drink regularly.

But now that I know drinking will increase my risk of getting cancer by fifteen percent… How did they even come up with that number? All these cancer studies in my mind are suspect. That’s because it seems to me everything causes cancer. I’ve heard white bread, diet coke, and deodorant can cause cancer.

When they invent a time machine that allows someone with cancer today to go back in time ala Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure style to warn their former self not to drink to see if they get cancer the second time around…. And that person refrains from imbibing and then doesn’t get cancer. Well then I’d consider cutting back on my alcohol consumption. That would be a pretty clear cut study on the effects of alcohol, because it’s the same person see? It wouldn’t matter if they were genetically predisposed to getting cancer because the first time around they did and the second time around they didn’t and the one change was the alcohol.

So, in conclusion, the only thing that would stop me from drinking is a time machine.

You'd Cry Too

Biff Yelping

Canadian Bacon on Leatherface.

Her name is Leatherface because she smokes like a chimney, lays on a tanning bed, drinks like a fifty year old alcoholic, and fucks like a cheap prostitute. All that smoke, booze, and cum sits on her face making it hard and wrinkly like my awesome leather jacket.
On Thursday we all came across Leatherface. The girl who made the line "so I'm dicking this girl" famous. Last year a bunch of us saw our friend "Gets a lot of ass" and he told us this story that went like this..."So I'm dickin' this girl right and miracle number 1 is that I am able to "roll on." Then she gets this phone call from an ex-boyfriend and they start fighting on the phone. Then I start to think about if I was that guy how I wouldn't want to have some guy fucking her..." And so it continued on about how he couldn't have sex with this girl any more.
So, Thursday night we ran into Leatherface... She told us that she was giving up dick and Jameson for lent because in her words... "one leads to the other." Although she isn't really giving up dick. She is giving up stranger dick, which is funny because if you knew the kind of guys she likes to fuck you would no that there is nothing stranger then a guy wanting to fuck her. I think most guys want to feed her a carrot, slap a saddle on her and ride her into the sunset.