Purse on Oobs' burritos

Medium blows. Oobs has terrible taste in television. Bones? seriously? Can we say 'overacting?'? I mean, I humor her when it comes to 21 Jumpstreet because those lines are just too classic to pass up, but Bones? Really?

While we fight over the remote...

One burrito down, 23 to go. That's right. 24 god damned burritos. Why? Why? well. Let's just say it will take 24 burritos, a bikini wax and fake press pass for Oobs to get laid by the 2nd man of her dreams (Cocks ... er ... Cox is number one).

I am proud to say I will get to witness how all of this unfolds. If you're lucky, I'll share the experience with you...if you're really lucky, you'll get a burrito.

God I hate homeless people.

I Miss College

Biff and Oobs on Quag (Drunkmeier on break)

Dear Quag,

Now that spring break has come to an end we have the following suggestions about how one should behave on a spring break trip:

1) Don't piss out the window of a moving vehicle. Especially if that vehicle is driving on the freeway.

2) Hitting on every girl in sight is not alway the best policy especially when every girl in sight is under eighteen and accompanied by her parents.

3) Calling your ex girlfriend a ginormous cunt at four o clock in the morning will alert security. Be careful.

4) Subsequently calling that ex girlfriend back and professing your undying love for her will not get you back in her good graces especially when it is five minutes after you just called her a ginormous cunt.

5) Little irish men should not shove a drunken pedestrian who has stars shaven into his head outside his car window because the driver might get sucker punched in the face. (Biff says fuck you Quag I'm not your meat shield.)

6) Although golfing in the Florida sun is fun maybe next time you should take better care of your balls. Biff and ODB only have so many balls and they like to use them for themselves. (On a side note to ODB please don't call random female streetwalkers hookers because the driver might get sucker punched in the face.)

7) You are not as funny as Craig Ferguson, Chris Rock, or cancer.

8) If you smoke more than one pack of cigarettes a day then guess what you are... a smoker.

9) You should buy a toothbrush the first day you get to Florida, not the third day.

10) And finally, see Oobs most recent blog about the links between alcohol and cancer... although you should worry more about the effects alcohol has on being a douchebag.

Hugs and Kisses!
Biff and Oobs

Oobs on Shout Outs

Fine Lee..... Fine. I am going to out gay myself by doing a shout out to you. I haven't seen you in over ten years but you did sign up for my blog so what's up home slice. Hola. Bonjour. Adios.

Oobs and Purse on that stupid bitch (aka Feckless Wonder)

It has come to my attention that there is another blog on blogspot called fecklesswonder. I would just like to say that I don't care that you made your blog in 2007. You have one fucking entry and it is a very, very gay entry. Also you are from Georgia, which means you probably have one tooth and are married to your first cousin. Also I hate you for using my awesome, original name, which feels much less awesome and original since I found your stupid blog. Oh and one more thing.... A feckless wonder is sad and pathetic.... Feckless wonders are mysterious and.... awe inspiring.... and hot.... and they smell good.... and.... and.... at least I have one friend you loser.

Oobs on Missing the Reunion of All Reunions

So yeah, I was supposed to go to New York last weekend and it didn't pan out. I was sad about it but not completely devastated until I found out what I missed. What did I miss you may ask? Only the REUNIONS OF ALL REUNIONS. Four of the coolest guys I have ever come into contact with from three different parts of the country assembled in the Big Apple for a night of debauchery and ridiculousness. These guys are the most amazing, outrageous people to ever walk the earth. Some of the great times I had with them are as follows:

- Taking a limo ride to AC... peeing in the bushes and getting caught by the popo. Secret finger jobs. Jacuzzi splashing englishmen, and Uncle Remo losing all his money to his girlfriend's dismay.

- Last year of college... drinking on the steps... peeing on the Alma Mater... security comes and chases everybody but only catches one of them who manages to talk his way out of it.

- Lots of beer pong.... Boobs flashing... Asshole... Kings... Not exactly in that order.

- The Brit trying to start a fight with a drunken Will outside of Coronets only the popo shows up and he prances away like the dandy he is.

- Spring break with the fire extinguisher mishap which led to what? Getting kicked out of the dorm, which led to an appeal to not get kicked out of the dorm, which led to the University forgetting about the whole incident. Score one for Uncle Remo.

- New Hampshire telling me his greatest wish was to feed me until I grew so fat that I would be unable to get out of bed and he would just keep me in a room and keep on feeding me. Thank you silence of the lambs.

- J and Uncle Remo thought it was a great idea to drink an entire bottle of 151 in two hours.... They started strong and finished lying on the couch puking into trashcans.

This is only a few of the top stories I remember.... mostly because I drank so much I can't remember shit.... I do remember that I wanted to be at this reunion and I am super depressed that I wasn't there. DAMN YOU Lee, Myles, Jay, and Remo..... Damn you all!

Oobs on Drinking and Cancer.

A new study reveals that even moderate drinking can raise a woman's risk.

The latest piece of evidence on the risks of drinking alcohol comes from researchers at Oxford University who studied more than 1.2 million women in the United Kingdom. They found that drinking alcohol may account for about 13 percent of all breast, liver, rectal and upper digestive tract cancers in women.

More shocking, even small amounts of alcohol seemed to increase the cancer risk. When compared with women who drank two or fewer alcoholic beverages per week, those drinking up to six alcoholic beverages had a 2 percent greater risk for cancer in general; those consuming between seven and 14 drinks per week had a 5 percent increased risk for cancer; and those consuming 15 or more drinks a week had a 15 percent increased risk for cancer.

I’m seriously fucked because I thought drinking 15 or more drinks per week was good for you. Fucking doctors. What was the point of this study? We already know that drinking heavily can cause dementia, vitamin B1 deficiency, cerebellar degeneration, stroke, liver damage, hepatitis, cirrhosis, gastritis, pancreatic, arrhythmia, and hypertension, etc. I still binge drink regularly.

But now that I know drinking will increase my risk of getting cancer by fifteen percent… How did they even come up with that number? All these cancer studies in my mind are suspect. That’s because it seems to me everything causes cancer. I’ve heard white bread, diet coke, and deodorant can cause cancer.

When they invent a time machine that allows someone with cancer today to go back in time ala Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure style to warn their former self not to drink to see if they get cancer the second time around…. And that person refrains from imbibing and then doesn’t get cancer. Well then I’d consider cutting back on my alcohol consumption. That would be a pretty clear cut study on the effects of alcohol, because it’s the same person see? It wouldn’t matter if they were genetically predisposed to getting cancer because the first time around they did and the second time around they didn’t and the one change was the alcohol.

So, in conclusion, the only thing that would stop me from drinking is a time machine.